Sunday Afternoon Stuff

School starts again tomorrow. I am really excited. I guess that makes me sort of a geek (or, anyway, I'm geek enough already to admit it). It's not that I'm looking forward to the massive, panic attack-inducing, grade-changing project looming in the distance. I don't really love schoolwork or my teachers all that much. And I kind of hate group work. But I'm excited because of all the things I have an unhealthy dependency on, my dependency on stress is by far the unhealthiest.

I hate it when family members get sick and die (as mine seem to do with disturbing frequency). I don't like sadness, and I don't enjoy stress. But when there isn't a near-crisis in progress, I miss the drama. I miss the tension and the adrenaline and the feeling that I have absolutely no control.

I'm not sure what it says about me as a person-- probably that I'll grow up and develop Munchausen's by proxy syndrome. I don't know if that makes me mean or horrible or actually sick. But I can explain why I miss stress when it isn't there: the less real control I have, the more control I can exercise over myself.